Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
I don’t have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.
Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
Whenever you hear the phrase zero tolerance, remember, someone is bullshitting you.
If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
Sports fans eat shit.
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
Fuck rational thought.
Sports fans eat shit.
I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.
I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.
You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick.
How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes...dies.