Golf was my first glimpse of comedy. I was a caddy when I was a kid. I was on the golf course rather than being in lessons, but I can play better now than I could then.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day i fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.