I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
It’s called the American Dream, 'cause you have to be asleep to believe it.
The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
I don’t have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.
Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
Whenever you hear the phrase zero tolerance, remember, someone is bullshitting you.
If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
Sports fans eat shit.
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
Fuck rational thought.
Sports fans eat shit.