Irony is wasted on the stupid.
The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork.
One should always be in love. That's the reason one should never marry.
This wallpaper is dreadful, one of us will have to go.
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Hear no evil, speak no evil, and you won't be invited to cocktail parties.
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
Life is too short to learn German.
A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
I like men who have a future and women who have a past.
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.
I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
The process of elimination, combined with a modicum of common sense, will always assist us to arrive at the correct conclusion with the maximum of possible accuracy and the minimum of hard labor. Which being translated means: I guessed it.