People say to me, ‘do you know who you look like?’ and I say, ‘I’m really tired of looking like that guy.

Things from real life are the things that get people laughing.

In all of my career, the style is still the same, and that is of a friend, just sitting and talking.

With my wife camille’s help, I took to social networking. I’m working with the computers.

You can’t compete with walmart. But you can have smaller businesses that are successful.

I don’t see much comedy in the bible, where people are writing about funny people. it’s not there.

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices.

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. but somebody has to be first.

If you speak your mind and if it is true what you’re saying, then I think the integrity of what you’re saying carries through.

The most important educational vehicle in all life is a parent figure.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.

Never say "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time.

My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose.

Working with bill cosby was incredible. I was lucky to be a part of that.

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.