Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.
My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.
Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.
I have had a wonderful time but this wasn't it.
Getting older is no problem. you just have to live long enough.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
any place I hang my head is home.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in kansas city in order to be unhappy.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
If I hold you any closer I'll be in back of you.
I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. that's why she's in love with me.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Time wounds all heels.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. anyone can get old. all you have to do is live long enough
Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
She got her looks from her father. he's a plastic surgeon.