You cannot love a fellow-creature fully till you love god.

Working with bill cosby was incredible. I was lucky to be a part of that.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

I am proud to be an american. Because an american can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope

having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. the world is addicted to it.

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the vatican has overlooked.

You just never know when and where to bite, blow, kiss, pat or rub. women should come with directions.

The experts on marriage, most of whom are divorced, like to say that marital fighting is good because it clears the air.

Through all the years of my marriage, my love for camille, like my stomach, has steadily grown.

Any husband who says, "my wife and i are completely equal partners" is talking either about a law firm or a hand of bridge.

The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation.

If faces had been meant to kiss each other, they would not have been given noses.

Though silence is not necessarily an admission, it is not a denial, either.