Cannot possibly attend first night. Will attend second, If there is one.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

Cannot possibly attend first night. Will attend second, if there is one.

Better see rightly on a pound a week than squint on a million.

A mind of the calibre of mine cannot derive its nutriment from cows.

Those who do not know how to live must make a merit of dying.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Give a man health and a course to steer. And he’ll never stop to trouble about whether he’s happy or not.

Cruelty would be delicious if one could only find some sort of cruelty that didn’t really hurt.

A mind of the calibre of mine cannot derive its nutriment from cows.

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.