Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them.

A chaplain's assistant is customarily a figure of fun in the american army.