A great value of antiquity lies in the fact that its writings are the only ones that modern men still read with exactness.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in london if he has a comfortable income.
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Hypocrisy is only bad when it is improperly used.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
Those who do not know how to live must make a merit of dying.
Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing, and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
You'll never have a quiet world til you knock the patriotism out of the human race.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage. It can be delightful.
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'no' in any of them.
Reminiscences make one feel so deliciously aged and sad.