One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
The status quo sucks.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the “American Dream” because you have to be asleep to believe it.
All music is the blues. All of it.
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
Whatever happened to “In victory, magnanimity; in defeat, defiance.” So said Frederick the Great.
Never approach a crying woman entering a sports bar carrying a harpoon gun.
Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can’t think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.
There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. F*ck Hope.