People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
Cannot possibly attend first night. Will attend second, if there is one.
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the “American Dream” because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Experience is the thing of supreme value.
The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.
All music is the blues. All of it.
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
War does not decide who is right but who is left.
Whatever happened to “In victory, magnanimity; in defeat, defiance.” So said Frederick the Great.
Thinking is the hardest work of all, and that's why so few of us do it.
After all, the wrong road always leads somewhere.
Never approach a crying woman entering a sports bar carrying a harpoon gun.
I’m an atheist and I thank god for it.
Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can’t think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated.
In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.
All great truths begin as blasphemies.
There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. F*ck Hope.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.