In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

In proportion therefore, as the repulsiveness of the work increases, the wage decreases.

Things are going to get unimaginably worse, and they are never, ever, going to get better

Sometimes I think it would be easier to avoid old age, to die young, but then you'd never complete your life, would you? you'd never wholly know you.

My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. all I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.