I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Satan like a fisher, baits his hook according to the appetite of the fish.

If worthless men are sometimes at the head of affairs, it is, I believe, because worthless men are at the tail and the middle

Good comics gravitate to each other; you know who's your type of person by watching them onstage, hopefully.

If I had it to do over again, I'd probably do everything I did. But that's not necessarily the right thing to do.

We can have no progress without change, whether it be basketball or anything else.

Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.

The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake.